searching...

arggggggggggghhhhhhh...I'm not happy. I don't know what I want out of life? Why do we have to work to survive? I am sick and tired of my job. I don't know what it is that I'm looking for but I want to start something new. Teaching is fun but there's so much more than just teaching in the classroom. I am at a stage where I think if I continue I'm just going to burn out. I want to start looking for another job, but what is there to do? Why can't I find something that I love.
I don't want the stress of work on a weekend, taking books home to mark every night, writing reports that don't tell the whole truth. The kids are fantastic, but the system sucks. I'm also wavering because I want a permanent position, one where I don't have to worry about what I'll be doing next year. I feel like I'm stuck in a rut. It's so hard to get out of. I hate feeling this way...This was the feeling I had before I left for Japan...and to go for three years and come back to the same thing, it sort of defeats the purpose of me going.
Why don't I know what I want in life? I feel helpless and I want to cry (T_T)
Why can't life be carefree? Is it the materialisitic things I seek hence the need for money? What do I want? I want to travel...I feel like my hands and feet are bounded. I want to get out. I can't breathe.